wow, so yeah- today got much worse than i could ever have expected. i hate to go to bed angry. i want so much to be happy, but it seems this is not to be my fate in life. past regressions always are coming back to punish me. why is it that life just never seems to fit for some people. there was a time when everything in my life was on track, except my love life. now, my whole security in life is crumbled, and i am in a relationship. i love him so much. it just seems there is always something getting in between us. i posted a blog a few weeks ago on another site, about why you should always make sure you say i love you. we had been fighting all week, barely touching, back turned in bed, so needless to say, no love. and now tonight, my world is shattered. i am sitting here alone, not really knowing if my life will ever be the same again. and we kissed this morning, but not really. we haven't been really close in a while now. i miss him so much i could just die. not just from today, but the way it used to be. when we would make time for each other, and enjoyed the private time alone. now, we are so lost. i misss you baby. no- he will never see this, but i guess that's okay, too.